


Slapstick

by antioedipus



Series: A Different World [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Babies, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Pregnancy, Side NaruSaku, Side SaiTen, Side ShikaIno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:53:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antioedipus/pseuds/antioedipus
Summary: Antibiotics, bubbles and falling over in the shower: the miracle of life."Hinata hears a squeak and then a hard thud. She presses herself to the wall and turns around to look at him. Bare naked, Sasuke winces, trying to sit up on his elbows. Her mouth hangs open, and she is blinking.“I’m okay,” he says, holding up a hand. Hinata immediately bends down over him and helps pull him up.He can tell by the look in her eyes that she isn’t going to deal with this quietly."How Sasuke found out about baby number two.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uchiha Sasuke
Series: A Different World [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1895671
Comments: 12
Kudos: 85





	Slapstick

“I just wanna taste of everything you made of”

Mac Miller, “Soulmate”

It took ten days of coughing and wheezing for Hinata to finally go to the doctor. Shizune listens to her chest with a stethoscope, while Hinata holds onto her squirming toddler. He keeps wiggling and squealing. Hinata would set him down, but he ran out the door one too many times for her to trust him to stay put. _If your father were here_ , she thinks, leaving the thought unfinished.

Sasuke has been gone for two weeks, and she really wants him to come back. Not just because she misses him, but because she would like to be able to go to doctor’s appointments on the weekend, when she isn’t working and daycare is closed, without a restless toddler.

“If you didn’t run away, I would put you down,” she murmurs. The Shrimp reaches up to her mouth, and he frowns when she doesn’t let him stick his fingers in.

“He’s affectionate, isn’t he?” Shizune takes her stethoscope off and hangs it around her neck. Hinata turns her cheek, so she can speak without her son sticking his jammy hand into her mouth.

“He always wants to run around,” she sighs, “he doesn’t like being made to stay still.” _Conveniently_ , Sasuke can’t remember what he was like at this age, and his mother isn’t around to share. But Hinata is convinced that their son gets his restlessness from his father’s side of the family.

“That’s normal,” Shizune smiles. “It’s good that you came in. You definitely have a chest infection.” She takes out a prescription pad, and scratches down a few notes. “Take two pills, one in the morning, one in the evening for ten days. Finish the full course of antibiotics, and you should feel a lot better.” She rips the note off of the pad, and hands it to Hinata.

Hinata tucks it into her pocket. She stands up, holding The Shrimp in her arms. He wiggles and makes a shrieking noise. Hinata winces as Shizune sighs. “He is a handful, isn’t he?” she says. Hinata nods. She loves her son, more than any other being in this and every other galaxy, but she is really, _really_ tired.

“Do you need to check him out too?” she asks. Shizune shakes her head.

“He seems pretty healthy to me,” she says. Hinata smiles as he flops dramatically in her arms. His eyes roll up in a _kill me now_ expression. He lets his body hang limp. Hinata smiles and kisses the side of his head, making him smile.

“Would you believe that I’ve seen his dad make the same face?” she says quietly.

“I’m sure it’s not as cute.” Shizune replies. Hinata nods.

“It’s hard to make a tantrum look cute when you’re twenty-nine.” The Shrimp reaches up to touch Hinata’s face again, and Shizune doesn’t miss the soft look in her eyes.

“Have you thought of more?”

“More?”

“Children,” Shizune says. “Have you thought about having more children.” Hinata blushes, because she has, but she doesn’t know how to initiate the conversation with Sasuke. The Shrimp had been a spur of the moment decision. She always imagined that baby number two would be more…planned.

“A little,” she says softly, “but nothing definite yet.” Shizune gives her a knowing look and offers The Shrimp an orange lollipop (he and The Bug have made their preferences extraordinarily clear in the first two years of life).

**

It’s really, really not fair that Hinata, who is fighting a chest infection and trying to carry groceries up the stairs, has The Shrimp hanging onto her leg. When she imagined being a mom, she knew that there would be moments of frustration, but this is too much. From a seemingly bottomless well of patience, she sets the groceries on the ground and scoops The Shrimp up into her arms, and then picks up the bags, and climbs up the stairs.

She really should have called Kiba or Naruto to see if they could keep an eye on The Shrimp today. She sighs, because it is too late to change it now. When she gets to the door of the apartment, she sets down the groceries while keeping her son in her arms. He squawks indignantly, but she gives him a sharp look. “No, I won’t put you down until we are back inside,” she says. He pouts, before slumping against her, his pudgy cheek squished against her collarbone. She pulls her keys out of her pocket, and frowns when she realizes the door is already unlocked.

When the door opens, she is relieved to see Sasuke on the other side. He looks sleepy, but he smiles when The Shrimp stretches out his arms squealing “daddy, daddy, daddy.” Sasuke takes him, and Hinata lets her arms flop to her sides.

“Hi,” she croaks. Sasuke tilts his head at her.

“You don’t sound good.” He says. She sighs.

“I have a chest infection,” she rubs her face with her hands. Sasuke takes her elbow and pulls her into the apartment.

“You’re sick and you’re running around?” he asks. He doesn’t like how his job takes him away for so long, but he was only gone for two weeks this time. Hinata looks back at the groceries, but Sasuke is faster, setting their son on the ground before going outside the door to get the bags. “Did you carry him and these up the stairs by yourself?” he asks.

“I didn’t have a choice,” she replies, taking the pills out of her pocket. “I went to the doctor, then I needed to go to the bank, and we needed food,” she groans, rubbing her head. Sasuke locks the door and looks at her with concern.

“I have tomorrow off,” he says, “I can get everything in order before I have to leave again.”

“Do you have to leave?” she asks. Sasuke fidgets. Their son is already in the living room, climbing on the couch.

“The next one is an easy patrol. The one after…is going to take a while.” He frowns. Hinata wilts. Sasuke leans against the wall, arms crossed, unsure of what to say.

“You’re always gone,” she sighs, “I know you’re needed, but I need you too.” She feels the aching kind of tired that sits in your bones like cement.

None of this is new. When they first got together, his career in Anbu would take him away from her. Now that they have a child, his absences are more difficult to manage. Whatever they are doing now is unsustainable. She can tell that it frustrates him, not being around.

“Sai and I want the team to do more guard duty,” Sasuke sighs, “Neji isn’t into it, but I can’t go at the same pace I did when I was twenty-four. Sai agrees.” He lets his arms flop down, and she frowns.

“You don’t think it makes me weak?” she asks, “you won’t resent me for asking you to slow down?” Sasuke shakes his head.

“We’ll still get big missions, but Kakashi doesn’t have to break out the elite team for every little thing,” he says. “Sai and I have talked about it. We will both quit Anbu if we don’t get what we want.” He picks up the grocery bags and sets them on the counter. “Either way, you should really go get some sleep.” Hinata puts a hand to her cheek and picks up the bottle of antibiotics.

“Twice a day, for ten days,” she says, shaking the bottle. Sasuke snorts.

“Just go to bed,” he says, “I’ll check on you in an hour.” Hinata smiles and turns away to go to their room.

She takes off her clothes and pulls on a pair of shorts and a large t-shirt, before she crawls into bed. Her head hits the pillow, and she is asleep in a matter of minutes.

**

Sasuke is gone for another five days. Hinata feels better, and she isn’t coughing up gobs of phlegm anymore. She misses Sasuke in more than one way, and three weeks feel like forever when he is away all the time, and it is just her and their son.

The Shrimp got into bed easily tonight, and Hinata lies on her back, on top of the duvet, looking up at the ceiling. She is wearing one of her little nighties; it’s short, white and billows around her little frame. Ino told her that they make her look like the ghost of a hot 60s housewife. Sasuke likes them because they are easy to take off. Hinata likes them because they make her feel like a lady.

Hinata washed her face and brushed her teeth. She finally feels like a human again. Kicking her heels against the bed, she puts a hand between her legs. She closes her eyes and breathes deep, thinking about the warm, pooling feeling in the bottom of her pelvis. She sighs, before pressing further and deeper, where it’s soft but somehow tough at the same time.

She covers her face with a hand, and opens herself further, following the floaty, sinking feeling in the backs of her legs when she hears a creak. She freezes, and immediately sits up. Sasuke stands at the door, blinking.

They look at each other for a few beats. Not only is she blotchy from masturbating, but now she is blushing for being caught touching herself. Hinata opens and closes her mouth a few times. Sasuke just looks at her, before stepping into the room.

“You didn’t have to stop.” He finally says. “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.” Sasuke walks across the room to the laundry hamper. He unstraps his katana, and places it on the floor, followed by his vest and then the mask on his hip. Hinata watches him peel his clothes off, and she frowns when she sees a bruise on his back.

“Did you fall?” she asks. He turns his head and looks down at his back when she points to him.

“Ya,” he says, “it’s not a big deal.” Not after everything else his body has been put through. Still, she frowns.

“Did it hurt?” she asks.

“At the time,” he shrugs, throwing his clothes into the hamper. He’s been knocked down so many times that it really doesn’t hurt unless it’s serious. He turns around to face her.

“I checked on The Shrimp,” he says, “he’s still asleep.”

“I’m convinced he is how you were as a kid,” she says. Sasuke smirks.

“Why do you say it like that?” he asks as he climbs onto her side of the bed. She shrugs in response.

“Affection, exasperation and instinct,” she replies. He makes an _ah_ sound as he moves towards her.

He lies down on his stomach, his side pressed to hers. She turns her face so that she can look in his eyes. She fidgets. “It’s been three weeks.” She says softly. Sasuke nods.

“Twenty days, to be exact.” His cheek is pressed to the duvet, and she rolls onto her side. She puts her hand on his cheek and kisses him. He smiles into her mouth and rolls onto his side. She kisses his upper lip as he presses himself to her. She pulls back and lets her head flop to the duvet, and she lets out a sigh.

“I missed you,” she says. “Want to fuck me like a whore?” she grins. Sasuke presses his face into her neck.

“You’re the mother of my child,” he says in a voice of mock concern. She snorts.

“So? Whores can be mothers. Women are _complex_.” She says. Sasuke rolls his eyes.

“You don’t get to try and exploit the Madonna/Whore complex and then tell me that I’m the simple one.” He sighs. “You know what I really, really want to do? More than anything?”

“No, I don’t.” She hooks her leg over his hip. He runs his hand along the back of her thigh. It makes her tingle.

“I just want to be inside you,” he says, “I want to get lost.”

“Lost?” she says with a quiet smile. He nods. She kisses the side of his head. “I wish you could really get lost inside of me.”

“Why?” he hums.

“Because then you could be inside me all the time.” He sticks his hand up the back of her nightie, and she squeals into him.

“All the time, huh?” he rumbles, flipping them over. She looks up at him, resting her hands on his face.

“We would never go without sex,” she hums, wrapping her legs around his waist as he pushes her nightie up. It’s flimsy, so it’s not hard.

“We would never get anything done,” he replies. Hinata smirks at him.

“We would do each other until we are done.” She grins, “I would _happily_ fuck you into an early grave.” Sasuke laughs, pressing his head into her breastbone.

“We can’t do that to our kid.” He kisses her sternum, and she melts under him.

“No,” she says, “we can’t. But you have to admit, it would be a fun way to go.” Sasuke kisses up her throat as she breathes out. Up the throat, across the jaw, up the chin, to her mouth. He kisses her deep, the way he has wanted to for twenty days, and she opens up for him.

When he walked in on her masturbating, he wondered what she had been thinking about. When he rubs one out, he always thinks about her. His favourite fantasy, and this is something he will never tell a soul, is that he likes to think about her touching herself thinking about him. It’s not a narcissism thing, so much as he likes to imagine that she wants him as badly as he wants her. He gets off to the idea that her desire for him is as deep and all-consuming as his for her.

Hinata sighs into his mouth and thinks about how right this feels. Twenty days is nothing but it’s forever when you’re in love. They’ve gone without for longer, but that doesn’t mean that these twenty days were somehow tolerable.

“I’m glad you’re naked,” she hums. He sighs.

“Me too.” He runs his hand over her stomach, still a little soft from their baby, up to a breast. She presses herself into him and sighs, big. She pulls her nightie off and over her head and throws it across the room. She lies back down under him and wiggles her eyebrows. She means it as a suggestive gesture, but it looks silly on her. Sasuke bites his lip, trying not to laugh out loud.

“What?” she asks. He sighs.

“You can’t wiggle your eyebrows, Hinata.” He smiles, “I can’t either.”

“I did it to make you laugh,” she replies. “You have a nice smile.” Sasuke doesn’t have a response to that one. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, before Hinata sits up on her elbows and kisses him.

“Get lost in me,” she says in her silver voice, right into his mouth. He nods, kissing her again.

“Not hard,” he murmurs, before he makes his way back down her stomach. She sits up on her elbows, watching him as he kisses the inside of her thigh. He only puts his mouth to her when they make eye contact. Her hands tighten into fists, and she clenches her jaw as Sasuke enters her.

With Sasuke, there is no division between inside and outside. It’s like all of her becomes exposed to him, as if her body knows his on some primordial plane. Like they have existed together before, and their bodies somehow remember what they can’t recall. So many people confuse the soul with the mind, but Hinata thinks that the soul remembers through the body. When they first fell together, it felt like they had known each other before, and being together was a process of remembering rather than exploring.

She moves with him, and not for the first time, she thinks about all the things that brought them here, to this very moment. Her licking his arm at that restaurant. Her following him from T&I with the byakugan. When he said _you’re special_ after they had sex the first time. Their time together, their horrible break up and subsequent time apart. All so they could come together and make a family.

Sasuke presses forward, strong and certain as he always is, and her entire body clamps down. She feels glimmery, like a star, and heat is just moving up, up, up her body to the front of her brain and it all bursts. She yelps when he slides a finger against her, and when he kisses the spot not a second later, she sighs. They don’t talk very much when he eats her out. She asked him if it he wanted her to be more vocal, but he had said that he sort of liked the quiet. It makes it feel more intimate.

One, two, three. A catch and release. Big feelings. Moon and stars. She doesn’t make a sound, but that’s because her fist is in her mouth. He kisses her one last time before moving forward.

She looks down to see him looking at her, his chin on her lower stomach. Hinata taps the back of his head with the tips of her fingers. A little breathless, she smiles.

“That was fun.” She says. Sasuke grins in response.

“Fun is what I aim for,” he drawls. “You know what else would be fun?”

“Enlighten me.” She tilts her head to the side, and he is momentarily distracted by her hair falling to one side. He shakes his head, and frowns at her smirk.

“You on top.” He says. She smiles and nods, and moves beside her, onto his back.

She turns her head to the side and looks into his eyes for a second, her hands on her stomach.

“You’ve left me alone for twenty days” she says. Sasuke nods.

“Sorry,” he says. She truly cannot fathom the depth of his sorry. She shouldn’t be left alone. He loves her enough that he wouldn’t even be mad if she wanted to break up with him because of his work schedule. He frowns, and she can tell by the faraway look in his eyes that he is ruminating.

“Where are you?” she asks. His mouth twitches, and she rolls onto her side to poke the corner of his mouth. “Answer me.” Her voice is soft, but it is a demand. Their son gets his penchant for sticking his fingers in people’s mouths from her. Sasuke always rewards them, so he is part of the problem. He opens his mouth and holds her finger between his teeth. She giggles and pulls back, and he releases her with a smile.

“I was thinking about how you could divorce me for being away all the time,” he says quietly, “how I wouldn’t even be mad.” Hinata sighs.

“I’m not going to do that,” she gets up and climbs over him, sitting on his stomach. He tilts his head.

“Why not?”

“Because I love you.” She replies. It’s a matter-of-fact statement, as if it were handed down from the stars themselves. Like her love for him is just a law of the universe, like gravity, sudden heat death or black holes.

“I love you too,” he says, drumming his fingers on her knees. She moves down and feels him beneath her, and with a heave and a sigh, they are one. He puts his hands on her hips as she rolls forward, and he sighs. It’s just so nice and warm and right to be with her.

He looks up at her, and watches her chest expand and constrict as she breathes. Sasuke can’t put the feeling into words, but he can gesture to what it is like. Being with Hinata is so good it is even better than the clichés. There are very few places where he feels at home in the universe, and this is one of them.

Like, when they are like this he understands where people come from. People exist because two came together to make one, and from that absolute sense of rightness, a little baby is born. He got even more into Hinata when she became pregnant. He would look at her and think _we did that together_. His career as a shinobi is defined by his ability to constantly, freakishly, improve upon himself. Always looking for new ways out, the burrow, the adjacency that takes you somewhere completely unknown. Sasuke is able to focus on a goal and achieve it with a single-minded intensity that no one else possesses. His determination is his greatest weapon. Sasuke could destroy entire worlds, over and over, if he really wanted to.

But he likes fatherhood because, for all its challenges and frustrations, it takes him out of his head. When he is with his son, he doesn’t have time to brood over the massacre, his dead parents or brother. He couldn’t have made his son alone. He became a parent with and because of Hinata. Sasuke used to pride himself over his individual accomplishments, but fatherhood is infinitely more satisfying because he gets to do it with her. She makes it all possible for him. Instead of him coming up with the way out of his solipsism, she kicked the door until he finally went outside.

He rubs his thumbs into her hips, and she moans a little, just for him. He grins at her. “I don’t know why you’re making so much noise when you’re doing all the work.” He thrusts up and she squeaks.

“I want to give you a show,” she hums. He smirks.

“Can I help?” he asks.

“You can do whatever you want to me,” her voice is completely sincere, and when they start moving together, Hinata grins with all her teeth. She never smiles like that when they are with other people. She saves her teeth for him. He thumps up a little bit, moving faster as she rolls against him.

“I could never leave you,” she says on a moan, “want to know why?” Sasuke groans in response. “No one else will give it to me right,” she drawls, “not like you.” Her voice is tart, and he touches his tongue to the roof of his mouth. He has nothing to say to that. Sasuke focuses on giving her more of the rightness she wants. Every gasp and moan feels like a victory, even though he has made her do it before.

It feels even better than the whirring building inside him, the hot feeling tingling up his spine, the backs of his legs. “Sasuke,” Hinata leans forward, planting a palm on either side of his head, “you’re so good.”

“Uh-huh,” he grunts, not really up for talking right now.

“Like, really good.” She huffs, “like, so good.” She sighs. Sasuke looks into her eyes and clenches his jaw. He is going to bruise her, but it’s not a big deal. She leans down to him, her mouth hovering over his. They are moving faster and faster, tumbling into their end.

“So good?” he asks. Hinata moans out an “uh-huh,” and then she crushes her mouth against his. It all feels right between them. All those dumb, melty feelings neither of them will admit to having just leak out everywhere, and suddenly Hinata finds herself panting _IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_ into his mouth, and Sasuke swallows every single one.

He comes first, and she follows him after. She sits up and moves off of him, frowning when they part. Sasuke lets out a big sigh and opens his arms to her. Hinata presses herself to him, and she tingles when she feels their skin stick together.

“So, how good is good?” he asks, and she smiles.

“So good that I want you inside me all the time,” she replies, “so good, I want my skin to stick to yours.” She hums, “I could probably come up with something grosser.” Sasuke laughs.

“You don’t have to,” he says, “I’m good with you wanting to weld yourself to me.”

“Huh, you know, I didn’t think of that but it’s a good way to describe it,” she looks up at him, her chin on his chest, and he feels himself melt a little bit more. It’s nice, being in love.

“I have a good vocabulary,” he wrinkles his nose, and Hinata, in a moment of telepathy, puts her hand over to rub his face. He smiles. “How did you know to do that?”

“Your nose gave it away.” She murmurs.

“Everyone has always told me that my eyes are my strongest feature, but it figures that it would actually be my nose.” He says.

“People say that because you have pretty eyes,” she replies. “But I think all of you is pretty, so I notice more than the rest.” She takes her hand away from his face, and she bites her lip when he gazes into her. “What?”

“I’m just thinking,” he shrugs.

“About what?” she asks. “Do you want to share?”

“I’m thinking about The Shrimp,” he says, “and you. Family, I guess.” He puts his arms around her, and she lets him hold her tight. She always softens when he mentions family. “You know, being with you two is the only time that doesn’t feel wasted.” He kisses the side of her face, and she smiles.

“What about Team Seven?”

“Only Naruto makes the cut,” he drawls, “and even then, there are definitely chunks of time that I will never get back that are wasted upon him.”

“You are such a grouch when it comes to everyone but me and The Shrimp,” she says. Sasuke shrugs.

“It would be weird if I started acting friendly.” They are silent for a moment, listening to the bugs outside in the summer night. Hinata presses herself closer to him, and he lets her. If they saw each other more often, they would probably be less clingy. But he has spent eighteen of the last twenty days away from her, and to make it worse, he was with Sai and Neji that whole time.

He is going away again tomorrow. They both know it will be for a while, so neither wants to speak about it. “You know what Shizune asked me at the hospital?”

“Nope. I still can’t read your mind,” he murmurs. Hinata smiles, looking at his chest, her fingers drumming against his sternum.

“She asked me if we were thinking about more babies,” she murmurs. Her hot breath feels nice against him. It kinda makes him want to put another baby in her.

“What’d you say?” he asks.

“That there wasn’t a plan or anything.” She sighs, “but you know, we just had the kind of sex that makes me want to have your baby.” Sasuke looks up at their ceiling fan and smiles.

“Wow. That’s a real compliment,” he hums, “I’m kind of mad that there is no one I can brag about that one to.” Neji is her cousin, Sai will want to talk about whatever weird things Tenten says to him, and Naruto can’t keep his mouth shut.

“Tell the whole world,” she rumbles, “tell them all that you fuck me so well, that I will literally lie down after and think about how badly I want you to put a baby in me.” Sasuke laughs.

“I’ll put that on a poster and put it up all around town,” he says, “The Great Uchiha Sasuke makes the Hyuuga Hinata want to have his babies.”

“No,” she laughs, “it has to read: The Great Uchiha Sasuke is so good at fucking Hyuuga Hinata that she wants to get pregnant every time he comes inside of her.” Hinata looks up at him with a pervy grin, and Sasuke throws his head back and cackles.

“That’s disgusting,” he says, “even for you.” She shrugs against him.

“That’s why I said it,” she replies.

“Do you like, watch a lot of porn when I’m not around? Because some of the things you come up with only make sense in the context of a porno.” He rubs her arm, and she smiles.

“We should make a dirty movie sometime,” she grins. He groans.

“Nope, we absolutely should not.” He sighs. Hinata pretends to frown, but he rolls his eyes. “Sex tapes are always so ugly. Like, objectively.” Sasuke has never seen one that was actually sexy. They are either too amateurish or professional. There is no middle ground between the gross reality and hyper-fake. “Besides, what we do is too good to be filmed.” Hinata hooks her leg around his and hums. Sasuke leans back and begins to drift off when she nudges him.

“What?” he asks, blinking.

“What about another baby?” she asks. His initial reaction is to laugh. But by the way she looks up at him, he can tell that she is serious.

“You always talk about babies when I am vulnerable to suggestion,” he sighs. He doesn’t mention that he is pretty much always going to be vulnerable to her asking for a baby. She smiles.

“The Shrimp isn’t so little anymore,” she says, “I kinda miss how little he was.”

“Sai’s nickname aged poorly,” Sasuke replies. The Shrimp was tiny, until he started growing. Now, he is taller and heavier than The Bug and he climbs all over everything.

“Maybe we could make The Lobster, or something,” she smiles. Sasuke laughs.

“When did I agree to another baby?” he asks. Hinata smiles.

“I can feel it, like, in my womb how badly you want to put a baby in me.” She says.

“You are foul,” he replies, “just disgusting.” Hinata grins with all her teeth.

“Want to practice?” she asks. She squeaks when Sasuke crushes his mouth to hers, but she welcomes him in without hesitation or resistance.

**

Hinata likes to fall asleep with her face in Sasuke’s armpit. She told him that she likes how he smells. It makes her feel warm and happy, like her guts are melting but she is so relaxed that she doesn’t mind. Sasuke replied that it sounded like a gross feeling. Hinata grinned with all her teeth, like that was her point all along.

Sasuke wakes up at 5 AM. Even though he wakes up to the side of her head, he can tell from the inky light that it is still dark outside. Sighing, he turns his head, careful not to jostle her. She had pressed her face into his armpit after they practiced making another baby, and he had passed out right after her. He rolled over in his sleep, completely covering her, hence, why he woke up with his cheek pressed to her ear. _I am so fucking lame_ , he thinks as he quietly gets up. She sighs when he pulls his armpit away from her face.

Hinata is the kind of person who always looks sweet, especially when she is sleeping. Sasuke sits up and looks at her for a minute. Her inky hair spilling all over the pillow. Her delicate shoulder, sloping down to her waist to rise once again with her hip. She makes a whining noise, and he smiles, before standing.

His shoulders are stiff, but that isn’t necessarily Hinata’s fault. She just didn’t help. He walks towards his dresser and pulls out his clothes. He is leaving for two months this time. Sasuke steps into his underwear, then his fatigues. His hand hovers over his deodorant, before picking hers up and swiping it on. It makes him feels closer to her. He loves her so much that the idea of her dead skin cells ending up on him makes him happy. It’s his version of stuffing his face into her armpit. Slightly more elegant, but just as intense. He pulls on his tank top and walks to the corner of their room, where he dropped his mask, vest and katana. He puts on his vest, straps on the katana and puts the mask on his hip.

Hinata whines again, and it makes his heart constrict. There will never be enough time with her, but it is painfully apparent to him this morning. He thinks about waking her up, using the hour he set aside to wake up properly to actually put a second baby in her. He frowns to himself. Sasuke thinks he is really selfish. She is getting over a chest infection. She needs her sleep.

He walks over to his bedside table and pulls out a piece of paper and a pen. He writes down the name of his mission, its approximate duration, and signs it with his code name. He looks back up at her. He still can’t believe that she chose him sometimes. It’s been years but the wonder doesn’t really go away. He sets the note down on his bedside table. He hears a yawn, and when he turns his head back, he sees Hinata’s eyelids, open but droopy, and a small frown on her face.

“You’re leaving.” Her voice is quiet. She has been fighting to stay asleep since he peeled the side of his face from hers.

“Yes,” he murmurs. He wilts, and Hinata shifts over to lie next to him.

“Stay here and make a baby with me.” She pushes the comforter off, and he sighs.

“No,” he says, “I won’t leave otherwise.”

“Please?” she whines. She is normally stoic, but he has only been here for one night. She wants more of him.

“You know, we can have sex just because it’s fun and we’re good at it,” he drawls. Hinata sits up, frowning, her hair messy and eyes crusty.

“Did I mention that I’m naked?” she asks. Sasuke snorts.

“Nope,” he replies, “that one was self-evident.” Hinata moves to wrap herself around him, pressing herself against the stiff material of his vest.

“What if I say no?” she asks. Sasuke smiles.

“Dunno if Shikamaru or Kakashi want me to take orders from you. I would never be productive again.” He sighs. Hinata wraps her arms around him, and she smirks.

“We’ll make lots of pretty babies to make up for it.” She kisses his arm, right over his Anbu tattoo. Sasuke smiles.

“They aren’t shallow, and our pretty babies are useless to them.” He replies. “I need to get going,” he adds in a soft voice. Hinata’s face falls, and it makes him squirm on the inside. “Hey, don’t look like that. I’m not gonna die or anything.” Hinata’s frown deepens.

“Don’t jinx it!” She hisses. He shrugs and kisses the underside of her jaw, making her squeak. “Don’t distract me while we are having a conversation!”

“It’s not a conversation if you are telling me to do something,” he says. She rolls her eyes and kisses him properly. He sighs into her mouth, and she swallows it as she pulls away.

“Be safe,” she murmurs. He kisses her again, and she smiles into his mouth. “Are you sure you don’t want to fool around a little bit?” Sasuke bites his lip.

“I’ve got to go see the Shrimp and then meet Sai and Neji at the gate.” He sighs, “maybe I should have woken you up.”

“You did,” she snorts, “I woke up as soon as you pulled away.” Sasuke grins.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” he says. Hinata releases him and he stands up. He turns to face her. She reminds him of the moon, curved and gentle and glow-y. He leans down to kiss her forehead, but she dives for his mouth. He swallows another one of her sighs before pulling away. “I need to go to work. Stop making out with me,” he drawls.

“I love you so much,” she says, “that’s why I do it.” Sasuke basks in the warm feeling of Hinata loving him _so much_ that she makes out with him at every opportunity. _I’m lucky_ , he thinks.

“I love you so much that I might let you do it if I don’t leave,” he says. She smiles and waves at him, and he mirrors her. Then he leaves their bedroom and walks into the Shrimp’s. He is lying on his back, passed out with his hands to his cheeks. It’s hard to leave Hinata behind as is, but Sasuke actually finds it harder to leave their child, their first little baby, The Shrimp.

He has Hinata’s mouth and Sasuke’s eyes, but he has the same intelligent look as Itachi. The Shrimp is barely two, but he always looks like he is thinking, and when he babbles and talks at them, Sasuke can tell that his ideas are big and important. He rubs his thumb in an arc over his son’s forehead. “Bye,” he murmurs, “I love you more than I love your mom, but she loves you more than me so it’s even.” Sasuke smiles. “Feel free to bite Naruto or Shikamaru if you get the chance.”

He pulls his hand away, and quietly leaves the bedroom. He looks down the hall towards the door of the apartment, and he sees Hinata standing there. He grins and pads up to her quietly.

“You’re so needy,” he says, sliding his feet into his sandals. She pouts.

“It’s because you’re gone all the time,” she sighs. Sasuke looks at her, before opening his arms. She floods towards him, wrapping herself around him. “I love you,” she says, “a whole lot.” Sasuke sighs.

“I love you a whole lot more,” he says. He loves his family with a previously unknown register of intensity. Even their dumb plants are important to him. He pulls back and smiles. “I promise that we will make a baby when I get back,” he grins, “I’ll even lie to Neji and tell him I’m sick, so I don’t have to go make a report.” Hinata unlocks the door and pulls it open for him.

“I’ll think about that,” she smirks, “all the time, until you get back.” Sasuke grins. He likes knowing that she thinks about him as much as he thinks about her. 

“So, will I,” he walks out the door, and turns back to look at her once more. “I’m coming home.” She nods.

“I know.” With that, she closes the door and he sets off.

**

So, The Bug and The Shrimp have this game that, as far as Hinata and Ino know, no one taught them. They will sit across from each other, and one will start saying “no.” The other will repeat that “no” in a louder voice, and so on, until they are both screaming “no” at each other at the loudest possible volume they can reach. They will literally scream themselves hoarse. Ino and Hinata hate it, but that doesn’t stop them. One could say that it only makes the game more fun. So, they have learned to ignore it.

Ino licks her finger before turning the page of her magazine, as Hinata watches their children scream at each other. Their children have actual names, of course. But Sai’s nicknames just stuck. The Shrimp used to be tiny, and The Bug had huge eyes. Now, The Shrimp is on track to be taller than Sasuke and the rest of The Bug’s face has grown with his eyes.

The Bug just starts screaming at one point, and The Shrimp takes that as his cue to stick his hand into his friend’s open mouth. Hinata gets up from behind the counter, but she is too late to prevent the inevitable. The Bug bites down, and The Shrimp squeals, and hits out at the other boy. Hinata catches his wrist, and Ino sticks her thumb in the corner of The Bug’s mouth to get him to open up and release his friend’s hand. The Shrimp throws himself at Hinata, crying into her neck.

“You can’t stick your hands into people’s mouths,” she sighs, rubbing his back. The Bug climbs onto Ino, unrepentant, and she frowns.

“You could have just spit it out,” she says, standing up and heading back around the counter, The Bug humming. Hinata stands up as well, and she feels the exact moment that The Shrimp gives up on being sad. She sits on her stool, rocking him against her. The Bug sits on Ino’s lap, ripping the pages of her magazine. Ino sighs and rubs his head. Hinata yawns, and Ino looks over to her.

“You tired?” she asks. Hinata nods.

“Sasuke left this morning,” Hinata says. “I woke up when he did.” Ino smirks.

“Did you send him off with something to remember you by?” she asks in an innocent voice. Hinata smiles to herself.

“We talked about having another baby,” she says quietly. Ino smirks.

“You talked about it?” she asks, taking hold of her son’s foot.

“Yes,” she says quietly. “I miss how little he used to be,” she kisses the side of The Shrimp’s head, and he sighs. Ino smiles.

“All kids grow up,” she says. Hinata smiles.

“I know,” she says, “it just feels like the right time.” Ino rolls her eyes.

“You always fixate on things being right,” she drawls, “things just happen.” The Bug rips a page in her magazine, and Ino frowns. “Kids love ruining your things.” Hinata smiles.

“That magazine is birdcage litter” she says, “he is doing you a favour.” Ino opens her mouth to defend her beloved rag, when the door chime rings.

Kiba bursts in first, with Akamaru close behind him. Shino follows, catching the door right before it closes. Kiba has a loose walk, and he smiles when he notices the kids.

“Hey,” he sticks his hands in his pockets, and takes a candy in each hand. The Bug snaps to attention, and The Shrimp turns his head. Kiba holds a candy in each hand, between his pointer and thumb.

“Oh, I know this game,” Ino says. The Bug tries to crawl onto the counter, but she holds him back. He makes a high-pitched whine, stretching his hands out to grab. Her fingers squish into his soft tummy. The Shrimp twists his chubby body around, humming at the sight of Kiba. Hinata gives him a soft smile.

“Okay, okay,” Kiba says, coming up to the counter. He smiles at the two toddlers “You two know the drill. In one hand I have an orange candy, and the other, I have a cherry candy.” He holds them out in his palms, close enough so that they can see the candies, but they can’t simply swipe it away (that happened last time, and Kiba refuses to be outsmarted by toddlers again). “I am going to put my hands behind my back, and you have to guess which hand has which candy. If you two get it right, you will each get your favourite candy.” Kiba smiles and puts his hands behind his back. He pretends to shuffle them back and forth, but he doesn’t actually. That way, if they guess wrong, he can change it, so they think they were right.

He bops his head side to side, as Shino walks up behind him. Akamaru sidles up to Hinata, and he licks The Shrimp’s foot, but he is too focused on Kiba to notice. They both have this pinched look of concentration on their faces, like they are considering multiple variables all at once. It’s weird to see on little kids. _You look just like your dads_ , he thinks as the two boys stare him down. They all stay quiet, because this is their special ritual with Kiba. One time, Naruto broke it, and they were all treated to the screaming game for five minutes straight.

Kiba smiles and says the words that they have been waiting for: “time to guess.” They each look from left to right. They point at the same hand at the same time. “Orange,” The Bug says. Kiba grins, and quickly switches the candies. He opens his palms, and the two boys grin when they think they are right. Kiba holds his palms out, and the toddlers each snatch up their respective favorite candy.

“Now that it’s done,” Ino says, “how can I help you two today?” Hinata unwraps The Shrimp’s orange candy, while The Bug holds his out for her to open after. The Shrimp chews on the gummy candy, smacking his lips together. The Bug prefers to put candy under his tongue and suck on it. He looks like a goldfish.

“Shino needs flowers for a girl,” Kiba smirks. Beside him, Shino shifts from foot to foot. Hinata and Ino both smile at him, and it makes him feel a little uncomfortable.

“What’s she like?” Ino asks. “Do we know her?”

“Hopefully not,” Kiba drawls, “you two are crazy. Actually, come to think of it, Tenten is the only sane woman we know.” He grins when Ino narrows her eyes.

“Rude,” she says. Kiba shrugs.

“You have to be crazy to live with Shikamaru and Sasuke. Their heads aren’t screwed on right.” Kiba says. Hinata frowns at him while Ino gives him a viperous look. “What? I’m not the one who decided to bear their spawn.” Hinata shrugs off his remark, but Ino only looks more vicious. Shino sighs, loudly.

“Can I just buy some flowers?” he asks. Ino, having forgotten he was there, blinks.

“Only if you promise to take Kiba with you when you leave.” Ino says.

“Deal,” Shino replies. Kiba rolls his eyes and turns to Hinata.

“How are you feeling Hinata?” he asks, “how is your cold?”

“Well, turns out it was a chest infection,” Hinata replies, stroking her son’s hair back. “I’m on antibiotics, and I am feeling a lot better. It makes food taste funny though.” It doesn’t help that the only other person in her house is too little to tell her anything about his food, except whether or not he likes it.

“You know antibiotics mess with birth control, right?” Ino asks. Hinata turns bright red, and Ino smirks. Kiba looks right at The Shrimp and grins.

“Hopefully you get a brother. Sisters are the _worst_.” He says.

“There is no baby!” Hinata says. Ino gives her an evil look.

“Can’t sperm survive inside you for a week?” she asks. Shino frowns, while Kiba cackles. Hinata presses her thighs together and feels a deep sense of inexplicable shame.

“You two always make fun of me,” she says in a soft voice.

“We’re just exploiting an opportunity,” Kiba drawls, “I’m not the one who lets Sasu—”

“Kiba!” Hinata hisses, covering The Shrimp’s ears.

“Fine,” he puts his hands up in mock surrender, “we’ve all messed around without birth control, I’m sure you’ll be fine this time.” Shino sighs, again. Ino turns to him.

“Oh right, sorry Shino.” Ino stands up and passes The Bug to Hinata. “Here, I’ll get some nice roses from the back.”

“There are some on the display there,” Kiba points. Ino narrows her eyes.

“Shino deserves better than the flowers everyone else looks at,” she sniffs. The Bug squawks as Ino leaves his sight, but he relaxes when Akamaru comes up and licks his leg.

Shino and Kiba talk about getting dinner with Kurenai that weekend. Hinata wants to puke.

**

Six weeks crawl by. Well, crawl isn’t the right word. Time actually goes by quickly. Between her shifts at T&I, running after The Shrimp and helping Ino at the flower shop, Hinata more or less forgets how many days are between her and Sasuke.

It happens when she opens the cupboard beneath the sink and sees the package of tampons by the toilet bowl cleaner and unopened bottles of shampoo and soap. Hinata blinks and picks up the box. She frowns to herself, thinking it’s impossible. She’d know by now, like she did with their first. She looks up when she hears a squeal.

The Shrimp is butt naked, and he is on his tiptoes, looking into the bathtub, which is filling with water. He is hopping, reaching down into the water. “Bubbles _please_ ,” he says in his tiny voice. Hinata smiles at him.

“Yes, bubbles.” She places the box of tampons back and picks up the bubble bath. She walks over and unscrews the cap, pouring it into the bath. It’s an unscented, sensitive-skin formula that Ino’s mom found. She gets him into the bath, and she smiles as she watches him play in the bubbles. The Shrimp is bigger, but he is still small. She washes her face and brushes her teeth while he played around, and then she brushes his teeth.

She drains the tub and then wraps him in a towel, and he sighs as she lifts him up into her arms. He chooses his own pajamas, and she reads him a story and puts him to bed. She stays up for another hour, before she goes back into the bathroom and takes out the second test she bought when she last did this. She sits on the toilet and wills herself to pee on it. She waits, fidgeting. Hinata gets up, walks around. She thinks about getting a beer, but she decides to wait until it comes back negative. Hinata walks back into the bathroom and picks up the test.

No beer for her.

**

When she finally gets The Shrimp to bed, Hinata decides to take the opportunity to shower. Not just a wash and rinse. Exfoliating and shaving and conditioning. The kind of stuff she took for granted before becoming a parent. She hums in the shower, rinsing out the last bit of conditioner, her eyes closed. She plans to have a lazy day tomorrow. There is no morning sickness, but she is feeling a little tired. No one else knows, but Ino offered to take The Shrimp all day tomorrow so Hinata could sleep. _Sasuke doesn’t deserve you_ , Ino drawled, _next time, marry rich_.

She sighs, closing her eyes to visualize the nap she is going to take tomorrow. Hinata opens her eyes, and nearly jumps when she sees Sasuke blinking back at her.

“How did you get in here?” she asks. He smiles.

“Stealth.” He closes the shower curtain, and Hinata opens it again.

“Where are you going?” she asks. Sasuke tilts his head at her.

“I showered at work,” he replies, “I came in here to see you.” He is wearing his work clothes, and his hair is still damp. Hinata leans against the wall, blinking at him. When she sees understanding dawn on his face, she smiles.

She bites her lip as his clothes come off, and she stands back to make room for him. He steps in, smiling at her. “Hi,” he says. Hinata tilts her head.

“Hi,” she presses herself to him. “I missed you.”

“You always miss me,” his voice is low. Hinata gets on her tiptoes and licks his chin. “Ew,” he says. Hinata grins up at him.

“You taste good,” she says. Sasuke rolls his eyes. “I know you like it when I talk like this,” she grins up at him.

“You’re not wrong.” He replies.

“Almost like I’m right.” She says. Hinata opens her mouth, and Sasuke hooks his pointer in behind the front teeth of her lower jaw. She opens her mouth wider, vowing to keep this specific example in mind whenever he says she is the sole reason The Shrimp likes to stick his hands in the mouths of his beloved people (including all of their friends, her father and sister, Suigetsu, Juugo, Kurenai, Kakashi, The Bug and The Alien—that last one especially alarming, because, being only a few months old at the time, The Alien happily let The Shrimp stick a jammy finger into her mouth. Tenten laughed it off. Sai had a heart attack). Sasuke watches Hinata close her mouth around his finger, and she blinks up at him innocently.

“Time to make a baby?” he asks. Hinata considers telling him that they already have. Her appointment with Shizune was yesterday. Apparently, their baby is developing eyelids and ears, a detail that she doesn’t remember from last time. She doesn’t want to lie to him, but she doesn’t really want to tell him now. At the very least, she wanted him to see the test. He had been with her the first time she took one. They got to find out together.

So, she sucks his finger and winks. He grins, because he takes that as a yes. Sasuke pulls his finger out and she kisses him, pressing their tummies together. She smiles when she pulls back, and steps over to the showerhead. She turns, her back to him, and she smiles.

“Isn’t this less intimate?” Sasuke asks, stepping up behind her. He puts his hand on her tummy, and he runs his hand down the plane of her stomach to between her legs. She leans into his chest. His chin digs into the crown of her head.

“It feels nice from this angle,” she replies, “you’re still close.” He shrugs and moves his hand against her. He’ll do this anyway she wants. Her body, her rules.

He doesn’t search for her spots anymore. After five years, he knows them all, from feel alone. Sometimes, he thinks about how weird it is to know another body on the level at which he knows Hinata’s. Like, it’s not just the sex stuff he gets. He can tell her mood from the way her mouth twitches, and he knows the exact spot on her back that she likes to have scratched. He can even tell from the croak in her voice whether or not she is about to come down with a cold. All of that feels more intimate than knowing how to get her to come.

He puts his face into her neck and really concentrates on her, chasing each moan and gasp. He holds her to him with a hand on her stomach, and she digs her fingers into his wrist. He can feel her body begin to relax, which is when he slides a finger in and she sighs, for he has finally come home.

Being touched by Sasuke isn’t something Hinata ever imagined when she was younger. He was always a loner and preferred to keep to himself. It makes her laugh, thinking about all the time she spent thinking about Naruto when it turned out that Sasuke was the one she decided to spend the rest of her life with. Naruto thinks it’s pretty funny too, and she is sure Sasuke does, underneath it all.

She knows that Sasuke feels lucky that she chose him. But she is pretty sure that she is luckier. Who would have thought Little Hinata would attract the Great Uchiha Sasuke? She had been fixated on Naruto, but she was never blind. Sasuke has never not been a handsome person. She is pretty sure he will still be that way, even when he is old and shrivelled looking. She whines on his hand, and his mouth finds the side of her neck. Hinata takes a lot of pride in knowing that she is the person he has chosen to sink his teeth into for the rest of his life. When he is inside her, like he is now, she feels like she could do anything. Like she is all powerful. That’s how he makes her feel.

“I want you inside me now,” she hums.

“I already am,” he drawls.

“No, I mean yo—”

“Penis?” he asks. Hinata turns pink at the word. He can’t see her face, but he knows this about her. _You can tell me to fuck you like a whore, but the word penis is too much?_

“Yes,” she says in a prim and tidy voice, recovering herself. “I want your penis inside of me.”

“I can’t hear you over the shower.” He says it right into her ear, and she feels a tingle up the side of her neck. She sighs, knowing his game.

“You’re teasing me.” She moves on his hand with a whine.

“No, I’m not,” he says, “my ignorance to your desire is genuine.” She can hear the smile in his voice. “Can you say it again?” he asks.

“Sasuke, I would like you to put your penis inside of me,” she enunciates each word. “Please.”

“Well, if you say please.” He moves back as she places her palms flat to the tile. She arches her back as he bends his knees. He manages to come up from below, and she gasps on impact.

 _How does it feel to be punched in by Sasuke?_ Ino had asked her once, after one too many glasses of wine. Sakura has wrinkled her nose and Tenten slapped her hands over her ears. Feeling his hot breath on her neck, she thinks about her answer: _so good it hurts_. It’s as true now as it was then. Moving in and out, she bites her bottom lip. Sasuke watches the muscles in her back react to him. Tension, building and building. Blood rushing down to where they are joined. He feels a little light-headed. Like his stomach is about to drop.

It’s always like this, when they are together. Hinata clenches around him, because it hurts good, and he groans against her. He is his own person, but he becomes whole inside of her, and you can’t feel good unless you are also in a little pain. She sighs his name, and it makes him lean into all the big feelings inside of him. It’s more than sex, it is more than this shower, it is more than the two of them. All the stars up in the sky. He is convinced that they were together from before time began.

The thing with time is that it eventually ends. Sasuke sees feels a tingling up the side of his face before he sees white. He grabs her hips as an anchor as she clenches around him, and she looks down at her feet. She painted her toes lavender today. There is a chip on her big toe. She breathes in, deep. Sasuke steps back, and she winces when he pulls out.

They don’t say anything to each other. He steps back, rubbing his face as she bends down to turn off the shower. Sasuke is tired, and he isn’t really paying attention to his surroundings. Somehow, his feet slip out from under him, and he falls, with a thud, on his back.

Hinata hears a squeak and then a hard thud. She presses herself to the wall and turns around to look at him. Bare naked, Sasuke winces, trying to sit up on his elbows. Her mouth hangs open, and she is blinking.

“I’m okay,” he says, holding up a hand. Hinata immediately bends down over him and helps pull him up.

He can tell by the look in her eyes that she isn’t going to deal with this quietly.

**

They manage to get him out of the tub. He walks, stiffly, out to the kitchen. Hinata hovers around him, her hand on the small of his back. It feels hot and stiff and it is going to bruise. It’s already a little tender. He winces at her touch. He leans on the counter as Hinata goes to the fridge and takes an icepack out of the freezer. She wraps it in a dishtowel and gives it to him. He presses it to his back as she goes and gets a towel from the bathroom. She doesn’t bother drying herself off, and she goes back out to him.

“You don’t have to do that,” he murmurs as she starts drying him off.

“You fell over.” She says, still naked. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He frowns. “Seriously, this isn’t a big deal. Dry yourself off.” Hinata frowns. She is rubbing one of his arms.

She doesn’t really know why she is acting this way. They have seen worse. Maybe it’s because she has seen that same face of pain on their son, or that there is another little baby in her. But she feels a primal sort of fear in her stomach.

“Someone should check on you,” she says, pressing the towel to his chest. “I am going to get you a pair of sweatpants.” She takes the wet towel and dries herself off. Sasuke looks at her, as if he were trying to figure out why she is reacting this way. Hinata walks back to their room and pulls a nightie over her head; one of her sexy housewife ones. She grabs his sweatpants out of the dresser and leaves the room.

She kneels down at his feet, looking up at him. He grits his teeth. “You don’t have to.”

“Step in,” she says, not bothering to answer his him. He steps in, sighing as she pulls his pants over his hips. She ties a knot in the waistband.

“I’m fine,” he says. “I’ve dealt with worse.” Hinata looks up at him, but she isn’t really looking at him.

“I’m going to get someone to come check on you.”

“Hinata,” he says, “it’s late. I just need to sleep it off.”

“Don’t Hinata me,” she says, walking over to the phone. He turns his head to watch her. She is wearing one of her floaty nighties. They would look slutty on someone else, but Hinata makes them wholesome.

“You really don’t have to do this,” he says, hoping she will call someone sensible, like Sai or Shino, who will talk her off the ledge.

He is convinced that, somewhere up in the great beyond, Itachi is cackling at him. Hinata’s arms are crossed. She frowns just like her dad when she is impatient. “Sakura, this is Hinata. There’s been an accident. Can you call me back?” Hinata hangs up the phone.

“An accident? That’s vague.” Sasuke looks back at her. “She’s probably on a date with Naruto.” Probably, in this case, means definitely. He and Sai ran into her on their way back. She was really excited and doesn’t deserve to have her evening interrupted for such a stupid reason. He watches her dial another number. “Who are you calling? Sakura is the only doctor!”

“You’ll see,” she replies, turning her back to Sasuke as he groans.

**

Tenten sits against her headboard, rubbing a temple. The Alien has an ear infection, and she can’t move her head without crying. They’ve only just found a position that works. Her head rests on Tenten’s shoulder, right against her neck. Her little baby breath tickles, and while she has no idea how she is going to get to sleep, Tenten is glad that her daughter is finally sleeping. The cat is curled up on her lap, so Tenten knows she is stuck.

She can’t believe that she actually refers to her daughter as The Alien. Sai just started calling her that, and the name stuck.

She has a premonition of the phone ringing before it happens, and she reaches for it without jostling the baby or the cat.

“Hello?” she murmurs into the phone.

“Tenten?” Hinata asks. “Is Sai there?”

“No. He is in a late meeting with Shino. Apparently, it couldn’t wait. Why?” she replies. She hears Hinata sigh on the phone.

“Sasuke fell over,” she says, “I’m worried. He is hobbling around.”

“Hobbling?” she asks.

“Yes, hobbling.” Hinata replies. “He is holding an ice pack to his back right now. I think he is hurt.” Tenten sighs.

“In my experience, if Sasuke can still walk, he is fine.” Tenten has worked in Anbu with him for years, and not once, has Sasuke ever needed serious medical attention.

“He fell on his back in the shower.” Hinata whispers. Tenten blinks.

“How?” she asks. Hinata is silent on the phone, and Tenten does the math. “ _Hinata_ ,” she hisses.

“You know, it’s late. I’ll call someone else.” Hinata hangs up, and Tenten looks at the phone in her hand. She frowns and dials a number.

“Sai? No, nothing is wrong. I think something happened to Sasuke. You and Shino should go check on him and Hinata when you can.” The Alien sighs in her sleep. “Yes, she’s fine. Bye.”

**

Kiba is lying on his stomach, about to drift off, when the phone rings. It’s a shrill, piercing sort of noise, so he picks it up as soon as it goes off. He yawns.

“Hello?” he asks. Without a pause, Hinata starts speaking.

“Kiba,” she says, “I need your help.”

“Not even a hello?” he asks, sighing.

“Kiba, I really, _really_ need your help.” He sits up when the concern in her voice registers.

“Is something wrong?” he asks. On the other end of the line, Hinata nods. She stands beside Sasuke, running her fingers through his hair while he frowns at her.

“Sasuke fell,” she says. Kiba snorts.

“Is that it?” he asks.

“He fell right on his back. I think he could be really hurt.” Hinata says. Kiba sighs.

“Then go to the hospital.”

“He is refusing to go,” she hisses into the phone. He can hear grumbling in the background, and frankly, he can’t blame Sasuke for being annoyed.

“What do you want me to do?” Kiba asks. “He is a grown man, Hinata. He is capable of deciding whether or not he needs to go to the hospital.”

“But your sister is a doctor!” Hinata says, “maybe she could come here and look at him.” Kiba groans.

“She is a _vet,_ Hinata.” He replies, “there is no way she is going to get up at this time of night because Sasuke got into some sort of weird sex accident.”

“Who said it was a sex accident?” Hinata huffs.

“You sound like Ino.” He drawls. She makes a frustrated noise, somewhere between a choke and a snarl.

“Goodbye.” She hangs up the phone without waiting for his response. He puts it back on the bedside table and rolls over.

**

Neji fell asleep as soon as he got home. He is asleep on his side, having simply passed out on the couch. Through the fog of sleep, he hears a distant bell. He puts his hand out, searching, until he finds the phone. Blinking, he answers the call.

“Hello?” he croaks.

“Neji,” Hinata says, “something happened to Sasuke.”

“What?” Neji doesn’t mean to sound so annoyed. It’s just that Sasuke and Sai have a way of interrupting his sleep schedule.

“He fell,” Hinata says, “on his back. I think he is really hurt.”

“Can he walk?” Neji asks. He is going to add this to his mental list of All the Times Sai and Sasuke Have Caused Him a Great Inconvenience.

“He hobbles.” Hinata says quietly. Neji smirks at the image of Sasuke hobbling around with Hinata fluttering around him. It doesn’t make up for the loss of sleep, but at least Sasuke is uncomfortable too.

“That counts as walking,” he drawls.

“Neji!” Hinata shrieks. He holds the phone away from his ear, tuning out her blather.

“Look, he doesn’t have to come in tomorrow. That is as helpful as I am willing to be for non-life-threatening injury on a Tuesday night after a long mission. For future reference, don’t wake me up for anything short of murder.” Neji hangs up the phone and gets up to brush his teeth before going back to sleep.

Hinata stares at the phone. Sasuke, having hobbled over to the couch, lies on his back with the icepack under him. “I told you that Neji is an asshole,” he drawls. Hinata glares at him and dials another number.

**

Ino doesn’t have a tough job, per se, but that doesn’t mean that she won’t take whatever opportunity she can to relax. Shikamaru’s mother wanted to spend time with her grandson, so Ino dropped The Bug off after dinner and she and Shikamaru have been making up for lost time.

“You should quit your job.” She sits on top of his bare stomach, naked. Shikamaru lies down with his hand behind his head. It’s a mannerism he picked up from Asuma.

“Nope,” he drawls. “I like my job.”

“But you love me.” She pouts. It’s one of the little games she likes to play with him. He humors her. It’s one of those dumb things she does to make conversation with him. He finds it entertaining, endearing, even.

She never does stuff like this with their son. He watches them babble at each other, and he can tell that there is never a moment where Ino and The Bug aren’t talking about something important. It makes him feel a little jealous, actually. He opens his mouth to respond when the phone rings. Ino moves forward and makes him groan as she shifts her weight.

“Stop whining,” she says pre-emptively, her eyes narrow as she answers the phone. She hits the talk button and holds it up to her ear. “Hinata?” Shikamaru wraps his arms around Ino’s waist, and she smiles at him.

“I am so happy you picked up,” Hinata sighs. Sasuke groans from the couch, because he can tell from her voice alone, that she is on the phone with Ino.

“Did something happen?” Ino asks, shifting so that she lies on her stomach beside Shikamaru, his arm under her.

“Sasuke fell over in the shower.” Hinata says. Sasuke looks up at the ceiling, waiting to die of embarrassment when she inevitably tells Ino what happened.

“How?” Ino asks. Hinata bites her lip and looks at Sasuke.

“We just finished having sex and he, uh, slipped.” Hinata says. Ino cackles into the phone, and Shikamaru winces at the noise. “This isn’t funny! I think he is really hurt!”

“You know he has been through worse, right?” Ino asks.

“I don’t care,” Hinata says, “just because he has been through worse doesn’t mean he’s okay. No one is taking this seriously.”

“No one? You called other people about this?” Ino asks. Shikamaru is winding a lock of her hair around his pointer finger.

“I called Sakura, who is apparently on a date and couldn’t answer her phone. I tried getting in touch with Sai but Tenten picked up because he wasn’t home, and Kiba and Neji both dismissed me,” Hinata says in a rushed voice.

“Okay, take a second and breathe, Hinata.” Ino says. She smiles at Shikamaru, who looks bored.

“I don’t think he’s okay,” Hinata frets, “he always puts on a brave fa—”

“Hinata, he fell over in the shower. He probably just needs to go to sleep.” If she did this to Shikamaru, he would have just ripped the phone out of the wall.

“What if he isn’t okay?” Hinata says softly. Ino sighs.

“He probably won’t be after you’ve called half of your friends telling them that he fell on his ass.” Ino scratches her jaw. “Look on the bright side. Maybe he put another baby in you.” Shikamaru wrinkles his nose and Ino gives him one of her pervy grins. _Gross_ , he thinks to himself. He would prefer to never think about Hinata and Sasuke making a baby. Hinata makes a choking noise, and Sasuke sits up on his elbows to make sure she isn’t actually dying.

“Ino,” she hisses, “I need _help_ and you worked at a hospital, if memory serves.” Ino sighs and sits up.

“Okay, okay. Relax.” Shikamaru opens his mouth to complain, but Ino holds up a finger to silence him. “We’ll be over in ten minutes.” Hinata distinctly hears Shikamaru’s sharp “ _we_?” before Ino hangs up the phone.

**

When Ino and Shikamaru walk up to the apartment building, they see Sakura and Naruto standing at the door. Sakura is wearing a short dress, and Naruto is wearing a nice shirt. They were, very obviously, on a date. Shikamaru thinks about turning around and dragging Ino home with him, but Sakura spots them. She waves, and Ino nods at her.

As they walk up, Naruto and Sakura try to look like they weren’t out together. They stand a few feet apart, and Sakura’s arms are crossed.

“Hinata called you too?” Ino asks. Sakura nods.

“She left this vague message. Did something happen with The Shrimp?” Sakura asks. Shikamaru snorts and Ino shakes her head.

“Apparently Sasuke fell on his ass in the shower, and Hinata wants someone to check him out.” Ino says. Sakura frowns. She didn’t shave and wax and pluck for Hinata to go and throw a wrench into her plan. Naruto tilts his head.

“How did he slip in the shower?” he asks. Shikamaru grins.

“Same reason I’m annoyed for having to leave my bed and you are spending time with Sakura.” Sakura turns bright red and Naruto balks. For once, they are both quick on the uptake.

“It’s not a date.” Sakura says. Ino rolls her eyes and Shikamaru tucks his hands into his pockets.

“Okay,” he replies. She glares at him as she goes to open the door to building. Naruto follows her.

“I hope our kid is better at lying to us,” Shikamaru says under his breath.

“Me too,” Ino replies, walking towards the door.

**

Sakura, irritated that this is happening to her, stomps through the door first. Naruto follows her, ready to intervene if she loses her shit. Ino flounces in next, with Shikamaru trudging up behind them.

When they enter, they find Hinata in a little nightie, pacing in the living room, playing with her earlobe, while Sasuke lies on his back, half-naked. His hands are his face, and it is obvious that they have been fighting. Their hair is still wet, and it occurs to Shikamaru that the most good-looking couple in Konoha is half-naked in front of them. Hinata is wearing the kind of gauzy nightie that would you wear to get someone to take it off, and Sasuke’s entire upper body is exposed. It’s weird and actually, kind of funny to see two extremely pretty, normally put together, people half-naked and bickering.

“Just let someone take a look at it!” Hinata says, “you fell, hard.”

“Gravity is a real bitch,” Sasuke huffs. Hinata crosses her arms and cocks a hip to the side.

“Sasuke…”

“Don’t Sasuke me.”

“Well, don’t talk to me like I’m crazy!” Hinata replies. It is then that Shikamaru clears his throat. Hinata and Sasuke look over at the small crowd of people. Hinata sighs with relief and walks up to Sakura. Sasuke looks like he wants to die. _Same_ , thinks Shikamaru, _same_.

“Sakura,” Hinata says, “I am so happy to see you. Sasuke slipped in the show—”

“It’s really not a big deal,” he says. Hinata glares at him over her shoulder, and he simply blinks back.

“Anyways, I think he is really hurt, and I want you to check him out.” She smiles at Sakura, and not for the first time this evening, they all consider the possibility that Hinata is the one who needs help.

“Hinata, if Sasuke says he is okay, he is probably fine.” Sakura says in her calmest voice. Shikamaru and Naruto both slip their sandals off and walk over to the other couch. Shikamaru is hoping that Hinata will take another jab at Sasuke; Naruto resigns himself to a sexless night.

“But Sakura,” Hinata says, “he doesn’t listen to reason!”

“She’s not wrong,” Shikamaru says. Sasuke turns to glare at him, but Shikamaru shrugs.

“Look, I’m sure it was scary to see him fall over like that, but it most likely looks worse than it is.” Sakura says. Hinata frowns, but because her back is turned to them, Naruto can’t see her face before asking the obvious: “do we really need to be here?”

“Yes, you do!” Hinata turns and shouts over her shoulder. Ino hears a whimper coming from The Shrimp’s room, so she decides to go in and check on him.

“No, none of these people have to be here!” Sasuke sits up on his elbows. “I wanted to have a nice, quiet night…”

“You fell!” Hinata turns around and stalks up to him. Naruto goes to stand up and mediate the situation, but Shikamaru puts his arm out to block him. Naruto gives him a concerned look, but Shikamaru shakes his head. Hinata can throw a mean punch, when she feels like it.

“I’m in Anbu!” Sasuke retorts.

“What if you’ve been in a freak accident and we just don’t know it yet! Have you thought about that?” Hinata rebuts.

“Do you know how many of those I have been in? I can judge when I am in a life or death situation, Hinata.” Sasuke huffs.

Hinata and Sasuke don’t usually raise their voices, and they never really fight. That’s because they are very good at figuring out when the other is in a stubborn mood, so they just wait to have the conversation after the mood has passed. But tonight, Hinata is on edge, pregnant and tired of being alone; she cannot fathom how difficult actual single motherhood would be. When he fell down, in their shower no less, she felt incredibly powerless. If something like that could happen here, when and where is Sasuke actually safe?

Hinata’s cheeks puff, and everyone can tell that she is about to blow. Shikamaru readies himself for the clapback of a lifetime, and Naruto looks incredibly nervous. Ino walks out with The Shrimp, wide awake, in her arms. Sakura stands back, wincing.

“Sasuke,” Hinata says in a quiet voice, “there are people who depend on you to be okay. I need you. The Shrimp needs you. The baby inside me needs you—Sasuke, can you just go ahead and do this to make me feel better? I’m alone, more often than not, with your child and now I’m pregnant with another one and I just need you to do this for us, okay?” Hinata rubs hers face, frustrated. The rest of the room is silent.

Sakura and Naruto exchange glances, thankful to not have this problem. Shikamaru groans internally, not ready for Ino to ask for another baby. He is pretty sure The Bug would kill him dead if he got Ino pregnant. Their son doesn’t _share_. Ino holds onto The Shrimp, still processing the fact that she didn’t know that Hinata was already pregnant.

“Baby?” Sasuke chokes out, his jaw slack. Hinata’s mouth moves, but she makes no sound. They sort of stare at each other. _Ino was right, they really do look like that Pikachu meme_ , Shikamaru thinks.

“Baby!” The Shrimp squeals, making grabby hands at Hinata. “Baby, baby, baby!” He has a huge grin on his face, probably because he doesn’t know what any of this really means. Hinata and Sasuke stare at their son, blinking as he chirps at them.

The door swings open, and Sai and Shino enter. They look at the tableau before them, and they consider the possibility that Hinata wasn’t being frivolous at all.

“Did something bad actually happen to Sasuke?” Sai asks. The Shrimp turns and looks over Ino’s shoulder.

“Baby,” he chirps. Sai blinks, Shino sighs and Shikamaru starts laughing.

**

Hinata lies down on the bed, staring at the test in her hand. She had wanted this to go differently. She didn’t want to be yelling, or have other people around, or have Sasuke blink up at her. She took The Shrimp back into his room and settled him down while Sakura looked at Sasuke’s back. There is a big purple bruise, but nothing beyond that. Sasuke got everyone out of their apartment while Hinata sulked inside their room.

She feels silly. She really does. Hinata rubs her undereye, and frowns at the test. It’s not its fault, but it did scramble her brain.

Sasuke walks in quietly and lies down on the bed beside her. They haven’t talked about it yet.

“This was supposed to be special,” she says, giving him the test. He looks at it, his expression unreadable. Hinata flops down beside him. Sasuke rolls over to put it on his bedside table. The first test is in the back of the drawer. He rolls back over and smiles at Hinata.

“Our baby is always going to be special,” he says, “I’m just glad I know.”

“Really?” she asks, rolling onto her side. He nods.

“Really and truly.” He replies. “The Shrimp seems pretty excited.” Hinata smiles.

“I don’t think he knows what is happening.” Her voice is soft. “Sorry.” Sasuke shrugs.

“It’s fine. It will be an entertaining story.” He lies on his back. “I wonder what invertebrate Sai will refer to our kid as.” Hinata sits up to straddle him, and Sasuke grins when he feels her on his stomach.

“The Amoeba would be cute. Or, The Squid,” she says, and Sasuke grins.

“The Squid?” he asks.

“Cephalopods are crazy intelligent. They could rule the world if they wanted to,” she says, “Ibiki and I saw it in a nature documentary.”

“The Squid,” he tests it out. “It has a ring to it, and I guess it keeps with the marine life theme. I’ll suggest that one to him.” He says. Hinata decides to lean down against him. She presses a kiss to his chin.

“So,” she sighs. “Another baby.” Sasuke smirks.

“You know what that means.” He rumbles.

“What?” she asks. Despite his back, he flips them over.

“We don’t need to worry about protection.” He kisses her throat, and she sighs. They will be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Another dumb, life-affirming word baby. 2020 has been a pretty fucked up year, and my therapist reminded me to remember the good things while still paying attention to the bad. I am still in thesis land, and work is picking up, but I still have time to write; I am hoping to update Storms and Half-Knot this week (although, I have no clue if there is any crossover in readership--although, I'm just rambling at this point because I am tired and howling in a void). 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you thought of this! I promise that I will circle back and deal with typos, but if there is anything that makes your eyes bleed, please let me know. Stay safe in the age of COVID!


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